Let me just say insomnia makes me want to die.

Sometimes the only thing that calms me down is promising myself that I’ll kill myself in the morning.

Anyway, today was like a dog walking on its hind legs:

‘I told him I had been that morning at a meeting of the people called Quakers, where I had heard a woman preach. Johnson: “Sir, a woman’s preaching is like a dog’s walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.”‘
Boswell: Life

I told myself I didn’t have to do today well, in any respect. As with a dog walking on its hind legs, I would be satisfied as long as today got done at all.

And today got done. Good night.

The blues they sent to meet me

Won’t defeat me

It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Remember that one? It was the theme song to a movie released the year I was born, and it was the first American hit of the 1970s.

Anyway, I like it, and it reminds me of my favorite Kinks song.

I know tomorrow you’ll find better things.

I like them because they posit happiness as something that will find you, or that you will find. I.e. one way or another you’ll bump into each other.

I found a lakeful of it yesterday; when I stepped in to get my feet wet, it stepped up to greet me.

In a rare straying from vegetarian cooking I tried this NYT magazine recipe last night, and X deemed it “excellent,” as did I! That’s mushrooms and breadcrumbs on top. Copious butter, and some white wine, white vinegar, and lemon juice round it out.

From the department of Don’t Tell Anyone: Sometimes I think X thinks of me as some kind of household appliance. But it’s OK because sometimes I think of him as some kind of a pet.

If I had wings, and I could fly, I know where I would go.

But right now I’ll just sit here so contentedly, and watch the river flow.

X checks out a sculpture in Waterbury Center. This on a return from our bike along the Stowe rec path. There is darn fine biking in this state.

I have off tomorrow for Juneteenth! This was a big surprise that came at 3 PM today.

You know you’re in the right job when one of your first thoughts is “But tomorrow I was looking forward to _____”. And you know you’re in the right life when you can shake that off and say, “Time for that Monday!”

When I was a teenager, I was rightfully paranoid about getting pregnant. After a few pregnancy scares in my mid-teens, I went straight, and from then on it was condoms, condoms, condoms. I went on the pill in my late teens. But I couldn’t quite believe that taking these little pills was really a trustworthy way to avoid pregnancy. I could SEE condoms. So I still insisted, condoms, condoms, condoms. It took me years to come around to the realization that these little pills were known to have well over 90% efficacy; and then I finally laid off the condoms, when in trustworthy relationships.

Something similar has been going on this year. All year it’s been mask, mask, mask. Then I get two shots in the arm. Can I really believe that those two little shots mean I’m protected, and protected from infecting others? I can’t actually see the shots doing anything. I can SEE masks, and I can obviously see staying home doing nothing. So even since my long awaited V-Day, I’ve been careful, careful, careful. No indoor dining! And trips that I’d been looking forward to… should I really be running around the country, to NC, to NYC, to ME, weaving school even?

Maggie and I had wanted to celebrate our birthday together in NYC. I was more fine with the idea when it was distant, but now it’s coming up. She wants to plan indoor things. I told her I only wanted to do outdoor things. She said then it wasn’t worth planning anything. And it was OK, if I wasn’t comfortable coming down, it was fine, she honestly wasn’t mad. Not at me.

Then I’m like, when am I going to be OK with this? What threshold of cases will make it all OK? It hit me when I saw a headline today about the Canadian border *possibly* reopening soon. If it reopened tomorrow, would I go to my long-missed Canadian haunts? With my prevailing attitude of fear – no, I wouldn’t. Dammit, what’s it gonna take, Tytania? When will you live again? I’ll tell you when. At some arbitrary point. Someday you will just start to feel OK doing shit again.

Why not make that point now?

It’s on.

A random scene from the Lamoille Valley Rail Trail, and refreshments at a less random spot in Mo’ville.

Vermont Summer is even more spectacular than I’d remembered.

Today makes up for yesterday.

I would have enjoyed my salad at Big Spruce more if – well, let’s put it this way! I LIKE cilantro – but it’s an HERB, not a salad green, people.

Oh, this ol’ river keeps on rollin’, though
No matter what gets in the way and which way the wind does blow
And as long as it does I’ll just sit here
And watch the river flow

What a pathetic excuse for a day off. I read some periodicals, I did some sudokus, I pitted a huge bag of cherries. & I futzed around with my colored pencils thinking about Weaving School in August where I’ll be attempting a warp-faced rug, which I will call Ruggy McWarpface, for my studio/playroom/office. Not getting too far.