Today has turned out to be probably the best day I’ve had all year!
I’ve had up days and down days at work, but lately more down days. I get so little guidance, especially compared to what I’m used to. The lead on my little project is at best no help at all, at worst a nutjob who keeps distracting me with digressions. I’ve been starting to feel that what I’ve been working on the past two months is just totally the wrong thing.
Today I had a one-on-one with the lead of the TechLab. I tried to convey these issues professionally (i.e. without throwing the nutjob under the bus) and express my doubts about my project and my work, and he started shaking his head. Then he said, “Let me be honest with you. I wish you had the confidence of the guys – the male members – on the team. Because you are so much smarter than them.”
I started to protest this ludicrous statement (there are damn sharp cookies on the team). He held up one guy as an example of someone really confident – I started to say how smart this guy was and how much infrastructure knowledge he had, and he said, “You are so much smarter than him.”
When I told my friend K about this exchange, K said, “You are smart. You are one of the smartest people I know. And I know smart people.” Now I’m more bewildered than ever to be ranked so highly, because K does indeed know smart people, himself not the least among them – K is one of the smartest people *I* know.
Finally I told my husband. At first his response to the whole thing was tepid and non-committal because Xopher would never stake an opinion on anything inconclusive or subjective if his life depended on it. But then he clarified that while he didn’t know if I was in fact “smart,” he could definitely say that I am smarter than him. Now the ludicrous had entered the realm of insanity. Xopher is the smartest person who has ever entered my orbit (that’s an expression). “No, I just know a lot of shit, it’s different,” he said. I said, name one smart thing I’ve done. He said, “You got that mudroom added onto the house, which has greatly improved our lives.” I’ll admit I run a good life. Then he mentioned other things… Xopher never says nice things to me or about me. Having several nice things said about me by Xopher in one night, that alone would be the highlight of a day. But all of this consensus that, of course, yeah, I’m freaking smart, well! I’ve never felt so appreciated in my life.
I’m clicking on all cylinders, and tomorrow is my V-Day!