Another one of my heroes wrote to me!

This time it was Jonathan Haidt. Close to my heart most for The Righteous Mind, which I loved well enough to actually give a little lecture about it at my local library several years ago. I was listening to a 2020 podcast where he was interviewed by Fellow Noodle-Hero Julia Galef. (Double-hero-whammy, I love when that happens.) They were talking about the “sacred” as one of morality’s foundations (an important concept!) when he reached around for non-obvious “everyday” things one might find “sacred”, and he said, “Oh, say like even the Rolling Stones” (noodle ears perk up) “…Tattoo You…” (wha!?!) “…side 2.”

This guy is a fan of Tattoo You, the 1981 collection of throwaways only remembered nowadays for “Start Me Up” (which I understand is widely disliked for being overplayed) and “Waiting on a Friend” (more critically acclaimed/tolerated)! And not only that. SIDE 2!

I guess this guy gets a hundred emails a day through his website “Contact” link, but not many with the subject line “Tattoo You.” I basically told him how happy I was to now have one more reason to love him, and he basically said he was happy to hear it.

Reading books is so much a one-way street. When a writer’s ideas really resonate with me, and I put him/her up on my Pantheon shelf, and then something prompts me to reach out, and he/she actually replies, it just feels a little like god himself coming down from on high. You don’t expect it. People writing the books are in some higher realm communicating with you through the magical object, The Book. They talk TO you. You don’t expect them to talk BACK to you. Maybe it feels like the book talking?

Or maybe I’m just a squealing giddy schoolgirl at heart. MEEEEEE! HE WROTE TO MEEEEEE!

by Jennifer Egan

Amazing story consisting of substories following various intertwined lives.

A group of west coast teens with a bad punk rock band grows up. Bennie the bass player becomes an extremely successful record executive. Scotty the guitarist gets the girl Bennie wants. Rhea, who wants Bennie, and Jocelyn are best friends; Jocelyn gets involved with a much older, rich guy in the music bizz, with kids her age. Said rich guy, Lou, goes on a safari with two of his kids. Sasha, a comupulsive shoplifter, becomes Bennie’s personal assistant; she is the figure who most weaves in and out, binding many stories together.

The one spoiler I’ll give is that the goon squad is time. And it’s not really a spoiler that everyone gets old.

I’m 52 and from NYC. This surely colored my love for these stories. (The action takes place on both coasts; but NYC has the much more vivid scenes.)

Merely the NYT review of this book called Joan is Okay by Weike Wang made me lose track of time and walk an extra minute on my treadmill. I predict the book is going to have me glued to the spot.

by Marie Kondo & Scott Sonenshein

OK, starting at the root, go through your hard drive, open every document, and ask, “Does this spark joy?”

No, no, no. This book isn’t like that, though it might have been better if it had been. It’s only PARTLY written by Marie Kondo; the other part is written by some guy who isn’t Marie Kondo, and contains trite advice about improving life in an office. This trite advice gets into a Marie Kondo book by being called a form of “tidying.”

Examples: Stop saying ‘yes’ to everything. This is ‘tidying your time.’ Unsubscribe from email lists you don’t read. This is ‘tidying your email.’ Categorize all the decisions you have to make and see if you can eliminate, automate, or delegate them. This is ‘tidying your decisions.’ etc.

It only becomes bearable when Kondo’s voice once again returns at the end, because she can carry any book on charm alone. But really, this one is not a keeper. You do not spark joy; good-bye.

by Julia Galef

From one Julia to another…

Julia Galef is my new hero.

Galef defines ‘scout mindset’ as having clear thinking as your mission, to take a true map of the terrain. This is contrasted with ‘soldier’ mindset, which sees itself always in combat, and thus views the surroundings primarily in terms of what needs defending, etc. It’s not a perfect dichotomy, but you get the idea. Strive always to see the truth, even when unpleasant or bad for your side. A scout needs to report back with the real situation on the ground, even when the commanding officers might not like what they hear.

To be honest, the first four out of five sections may have had me leaving only a three or four star rating. Parts about overcoming bias seemed to be geared towards scientists and social scientists. Parts about about living without illusions seemed more for entrepreneurs. It all stated truths, but presented nothing earth-shattering.

The final section is where it really took off: Rethinking Identity. A chapter ensues about how beliefs become identities; and the next chapter presents my favorite takeaway: hold your identity lightly. My ex-therapist would have loved this. He always discouraged rigid thinking along the lines of “I am [this type of] person.” One should, instead of thinking, “I am a feminist,” think instead “I am someone who often sympathizes with feminist causes.” Not, “I am a vegan,” but “I am one who currently adheres most of the time to a vegan diet.” Or whatever. You find that this subtle shift has you becoming less defensive, more liable to seek truth in others’ arguments rather than digging in to a perceived threat. And if you must have an identity – try on ‘scout’ as an identity. “I am a scout.” A scout wouldn’t dismiss an argument out of hand without first giving it a fair hearing.

Some fun parts that I bookmarked:

“The Outsider Test.” When faced with a tough decision, try to avoid the sunk-cost fallacy by imagining someone else has just stepped into your shoes. What would she likely think of the situation? Try imagining that YOU have teleported from the outside into your own life, and wonder, what would you tell you to do? What I liked was her “It’s as if you’re hanging a sign around your neck: ‘Under New Management.'” I love the image. Also, this is why I love reading advice columns. It’s so easy to see the solution to other people’s problems. I try to imagine being an advice columnist answering myself; would the answer be crystal clear?

On holding your identity lightly: I have a friend who shall remain nameless who gets angry whenever I try to be a moderating influence, a la “let’s just TRY to consider where the ‘other side’ is coming from on this…” He’ll call it “coddling.” Coddling racists, coddling evil people, whatever. Galef: “It’s not a favor you do for other people, for the sake of being nice or civil. Holding your identity lightly is a favor to yourself – a way to keep your mind flexible, unconstrained by identity, and free to follow the evidence wherever it leads.”

Finally, choosing your role models. I’ll tell you my role model easily: Tyler Cowen. Tyler is interested in everything, and disinterested about everything (in the original correct sense of the word). Tyler doesn’t take sides. Tyler is on the side of whatever improves humanity’s health and happiness, and he is, as far as I have been able to tell after many years of him being my homepage, genuinely interested in seeking out what that side actually is. He will praise or censure whoever deserves it, and does not hew to any party line. If the data seems to show that universal Pre-K, for example, is beneficial for kids in the medium to long-term, he’s for it; and if it starts to show actually the opposite is true, then he’s against it. He doesn’t come in with a pre-set belief. He really, truly wants to know the truth. And he takes interest in everything. When something just plain doesn’t interest him, he takes interest in finding out why. He follows sports and popular and unpopular arts and culture. When he doesn’t like something aesthetically, he asks himself why, and why other people might like it; what is the art trying to convey, on its own terms? He travels extensively, and he travels for the purpose of learning. You get the idea. I love Tyler.

And I love Julia! I’m going to listen to more of her podcasts.

A strange little book. Interviews with Julia Child from 1961, 1984, 1989, 1991, 1999, and then, finally, THE LAST INTERVIEW! of the title from 2004 – which is barely more than a page long. This should have been titled better.

By now we (I) know all about Julia Child; lots of repetitive biographical information could fall by the wayside, but then, the 140-page book would be even thinner. The interviews are vaguely interesting; as Child grows older and starts to hold forth on matters beyond cooking, some unlikability starts to show through. She’s human, after all. She brings up her support for Planned Parenthood and abortion rights, which is laudable; but a comment like “Who wants a baby that is from a crack mother?”, well, not so much. It’s funny back in 1991 to hear her and the interviewer complain about Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, though, and the Supreme Court and the Republicans. O’Connor “has been a zero, hasn’t she”. What we wouldn’t give now to have a Justice O’Connor, and the state of the nation in 1991. Oh well. Bon Appetit!

by Amor Towles

Between book club and books people give me as gifts, I’ve read three novels by Amor Towles now, and I don’t even like him. It reminds me of how I’ve seen Elvis Costello at least as many times without particularly liking him either.

At least there were no bratty precocious kids in this one! I even surprised myself by enjoying the first half. I liked the jaunty tone, and I liked following the adventures of the crazy 20-something girls from the boarding house who managed to get so many men to buy them drinks.

But after the first half or so, the story got wacky, and I stopped understanding anyone’s motivation. Also, I feel Amor Towles really does not do Period well; the alleged time period of the story always feels slightly off, though I can usually not put my finger on why. This time I DID catch him in an anachronism – page 227, “he and his brother had hiked the Appalachian Trail for days at a time” in Maine when the character was a boy. The current year is 1938. The Appalachian Trail wasn’t completed until 1937. He couldn’t have hiked it as a boy; not even a proto-trail, as the trail was begun in New York, not Maine. I knew it didn’t feel right.

And Towles’ books are too long, with too many digressions. It’s particularly painful as you’re approaching the end, and realize that yet another long segue is being put in because he felt it was a charming little thing he had to include somewhere, and it doesn’t advance the plot one whit. I’m thinking here of the paper airplane interlude.

It’s such a shame, because Towles really can write well, and has some great ideas; he just doesn’t really know how to write a succinct story without annoyances. It was towards the end that I came across a great quote. I was trying to convey this very thought just recently, but not at all well; here it is:

“In our twenties, when there is still so much time ahead of us, time that seems ample for a hundred indecisions, for a hundred visions and revisions – we draw a card, and we must decide right then and there whether to keep that card and discard the next, or discard the first card and keep the second. And before we know it, the deck has been played out and the decisions we have just made will shape our lives for decades to come.”

A fabulous description of being in one’s twenties.

by Elizabeth Currid-Halkett

Most of us no longer engage in conspicuous consumption to signal what class we are in. But we do engage in inconspicuous consumption, and conspicuous production, and conspicuous leisure, to achieve the same ends. To briefly define each of these: inconspicuous consumption is spending more on health care, insurance, kids’ educations, and in-home help. Conspicuous production is emphasis on where and how things are produced. Conspicuous leisure might be breastfeeding and attachment parenting.

It’s different from the days when someone used silver cutlery or drove a flashy car to signal how upper-class they were. Now, an NPR tote bag does the same thing, according to the author. It doesn’t signal that we are rich, because anyone on a barista or artist salary can and does afford such a thing; it signals us as members of a particular class, which she dubs the “aspirational class.”

I had a hard time keeping my head wrapped around how “aspirational class” is different from “liberal.” Also, a lot of this book was a big “ouch” for me. But I LIKE buying overpriced organic vegetables, and supporting local businesses wherever possible! I genuinely like it! I’m not just “signaling” something. I like it because… why? I feel somehow it improves the world, right? Do I really have to start shopping at Wal-mart and buying supermarket brands of everything in order to be “genuine”? Won’t that just be signaling a different thing?

Sayeth the author: “Does being different from others, being better than others at acquiring possessions or the perfect heirloom tomatoes, or making the decision and investment to breast-feed or feed your family organic produce really advance society at all?” When we remember that none of these thing are options for huge segments of society who lack the means, we ought to be honest and recognize that to really make the world a better place, we would do better to work towards flattening out the economic inequality around us.

So, ouch, and touche, and point taken. But it still doesn’t mean people sport their farmer’s market produce in public in order to engage in signaling that they are of the ‘aspirational class’. If they (fine, WE!) are signaling anything, it’s that we are on Team Liberal. It does make me uncomfortable. Food for thought.

by Barry Estabrook

First, the takeaway: “You should lead a diet, not follow one.”

The author is a former editor of Eating Well magazine and a Vermonter (yay). He goes on the Ornish diet, the South Beach diet, the Mediterranean diet, Weight Watchers, and some others. No, not all at the same time, a la Bridget Jones! He eventually does lose and keep off some weight. Here’s what he concludes:

“I will never go on [a diet] again.”

But seriously, the reason is: “You should lead a diet, not follow one. What you eat and how you do so are deeply personal activities, right up there with sex. They’re nobody’s damn business… For me, successful weight loss began when I examined what I ate and how I ate it, then started making changes…”

I will always have a place in my heart for WW; and while doing a post-mortem at book’s end, Estabrook concludes: “Although I dropped out of Weight Watchers after a couple of months, the point-tracking app… made it abundantly clear that I would never lose weight unless I cut way back on how much cheese I snacked on.” WW left me also with life-altering insights and habits. Now I munch on apples & carrots every single day; and for me, it wasn’t cheese, but french fries and pie crust I learned were unsafe in any dose. “The point is,” he continues, “there are useful weight-loss tips between the covers of diet books,” or in a point-tracking app.

by Amor Towle

Much like A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW; a more ridiculous story, but otherwise, incredibly similar – what is it with this guy and annoying little kid characters?

The protagonists are stoical Emmet, annoying little brother Billy, strangely mentally incompetent Woolly, and pants-charming scamp Duchess. Normally a character like Duchess tends to be my least favorite of an ensemble – constantly screwing up plans with his irresponsibility and mayhem. But here he ended up being my favorite, because the competition was so low, and because he was the only one to actually call out Billy as the little “know-it-all” that he was, rather than fawning all over him like every single other person.

And man, I thought this story would never end. Indeed I bet left to his own devices Towles could literally go on forever with digressions and whoopsies and now let’s go off in this direction and who stole the car now?

I only read it because it was a gift.