Stuff I’ve internalized via stoicism, reading, and being married to X.
You can’t get anything out of life. On a beautiful day, if not outdoors, I would say, “I should be outdoors.” If outdoors, but not doing something fun, I would say, “I should be doing something fun.” If doing something fun, I would say, “I’m not sure I’m enjoying this as much as I should.” You know what… it doesn’t matter what you do. You can’t possibly get more out of the day than you’re getting. Because you can’t get anything out of the day. It doesn’t fit. You’re in the day. You are the day. This is freeing.
Tomorrow isn’t promised. Yeah, yadda yadda yadda. Wracked with insomnia, I would make it 10x worse thinking, “But tomorrow I was going to do this, that, and the other. Now I’ll be too tired!” Who ever said you were going to do this, that, and the other anyway? Nobody ever promised you that. That wasn’t on anyone’s docket. How can you feel gypped out of something that was never owed to you to begin with?
So, this past week I would be looking out at the beautiful June day with illness rampaging through me and I’d be at peace. I didn’t think, “But now maybe our trip won’t happen! I wanted to go biking this weekend!” Those things were never promised. I didn’t think, “It’s so beautiful out! And I’m wasting it being sick!” Because I wasn’t wasting it. The day was beautiful. I couldn’t possibly get more out of it than I was already getting.
Oh, Tytania, you’re so zen.
I prefer stoic.
Oh, Tytania, so everything is perfect now?
No, I am not pleased that my breathing still feels compromised. Now I might never bike again!!!
Tytania 