This is what it’s like.
I look at a picture of Tom when he was young, and Vera when she was young.
I look at a picture of myself.
I think how I look a little like him, a little like her, and a little like myself.
I think how I’m probably a little like him, and a little like her, and a little like myself.
I picture the three of us together.
I picture people seeing the three of us together.
I picture them seeing us and thinking, that’s Tom and Vera, and their daughter.
I think of it registering, and making sense, and people nodding and moving on.
Think about having a pain, or an itch, or an anxiety.
Think about having had it so long, and it being so low-level, that you don’t think about it anymore.
Now imagine taking a drug, or getting a warm bath, or a professional massage, that makes it suddenly go away, for however long, maybe just for a moment.
For however long, this thing lifts that you didn’t even notice anymore.
You feel what it would be like to live without that.
That’s the best I can do at describing what it’s all like.