by Stephan Pastis

“I woke up this morning and the maintenance light on my life was blinking.”

by Rumer Godden

Tremendous. I loved this book. I was so sorry when I finished it. It was an old-fashioned exciting novel. I guess it’s something of a classic (1958) young adult coming-of-age novel, but I had never heard of it – I came across a mini-review, I think in the NYT, which intrigued me and lent me to borrow it.

Five siblings and their mom take a trip to France, from Britain; but mom gets sick on the way and has to be hospitalized. The four sisters and one brother range in age from 16 to 4. They find themselves on their own in a hotel seemingly filled with enemies, and one ally, a mysterious Englishman who takes responsibility for them, but hides deep dark secrets.

by Chris Van Tulleken

(Sorry about that awful image, it was hard to find a picture of the book cover.)

I’ve certainly been reading plenty lately about how bad processed food is for you. Problem is, “processed food” has always been so weakly defined. Beer, bread, cheese, tofu? Very processed. But evil? No, but hot dogs, Doritos, baloney – processed and OBVIOUSLY evil. Why? They don’t define the difference.

And then there’s all the talk about feeding your “gut biome.” I even read a study recently that tried to tell me it was healthier to eat a steak than ground beef. Come on! After I chew it, it’s all the same, isn’t it?!

What we have here is a much more in-depth treatment than those attention-grabbing media articles, and I am thankful. Here we get definnitions – and they come from the “NOVA” system of classification. (I don’t think he ever tells us what the acronym stands for, and I think that might be because it’s not English – I think this system came out of Brazil.) Foods fall into four groups: unprocessed; processed culinary ingredients; processed foods; and ultra-processed foods.

A decade ago, everyone’s rule of thumb came from Michael Pollan – don’t eat anything with more than 5 ingredients. Don’t eat anything your grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food. Van Tulleken’s got a similar heuristic to offer – don’t eat anything with ingredients that don’t represent things you can find in your kitchen.

HA! Joke’s on him. My kitchen’s got xantham gum (which he hates).

There you have it. Yes, cheese, beer, and bread are processed. But they are not “ultra-processed.” You could make them in your kitchen (granted they take a little bit of talent and ingredients you can’t get at the convenience store). But you know very well you couldn’t make hot dogs in your kitchen. Or Doritos. You KNOW what ultra-processed food (UPF) is.

A lot of the book was pulling every conceivable threat out of the air that could be associated with UPF – decays tooth enamel and makes your jaw smaller! Seriously! I didn’t care so much for that aspect of the book. Focus. You can convince me very well to avoid UPF without all the threats of Crohn’s disease and mental illness and autoimmune disease and everything else you can throw at the wall.

Funny quote about how he can’t fathom people who aren’t interested in food (ditto). “I still find indifference to food hard to understand. I plan dinner at breakfast. When I’m at a wedding, my whole focus is on the canapes. My holiday itineraries are just lists of restaurants and markets.” I’d say I identify with this 110% except for one thing. You plan dinner at breakfast? Breakfast on the SAME DAY? Amateur.

by Stephan Pastis

I’m a fan.

I love rat.

I don’t like the long shaggy-dog pun ones, though. Puns only work if they are at least *kind of* a surprise.

I found a pair of these used during the South End Art Hop… They had a load of Peanuts books too, but they wanted $9 for skinny paperbacks. These big Pearls compendia were only $10 each, much more giggle for the buck.