Zipping along now – less journal writing means quicker jumps through time.
7/11/94 (about to turn 25)
“i do have these strange anxious feelings about work of unknown origin. they aren’t rational & serve no purpose & may be detrimental. i would like them to go away. but i shouldn’t just supress [sic – hey, cut me some slack, I was writing sdrawkcab] them or try in any active way to stop having them. they need to be acknowledged.”
I’m sorry, this journal was out of order. We’re not out of the Kenwoods yet.
9/7/91 (age 22)
“yes indeedy i feel good. i was worried there for a while. as fas as ken goes (& he goes pretty far) everything’s perfect.”
I think he dumped me (for the first time) before the month was out? Hard to tell, the backwards entries are so hard to read.
12/02/92 (age 23)
“when i get upset like this perhaps i would do well to reexamine my life with regard to its meaning or lack thereof. do you not believe life has no meaning outside itself? what is the meaning of my life? is my life its own meaning? is my life positive?”
At least it’s not ken ken ken ken ken ken like I was fearing.
annotated edition
This was a re-re-read. I re-read it only three years ago. I went to look up my review of 2020 and was floored by tables describing my Covid-related inactivity and case statistics. It does not feel real.
Anyway, my observations this go-round included amazement that Catherine quickly saw through the artifice of Isabella’s letter towards the end of the book, after Captain Tilney had amounted to nothing and Isabella thought she might have a chance at patching things up with Catherine’s brother. She (Catherine) was such a dupe of Isabella through the entire book, in scenes where she (Isabella) was so much more transparent. It seemed odd that she so suddenly wised up.
5/26/92 (age 22 going on 23)
“chris, why are you pulverizing yourself? kenneth is not hurting you & society is not hurting you. you are effectively taking a rock & smashing it over your head. does it matter whose ____ kenneth is ____? does it matter what the new york times is stating about the female sex? frankly chris nothing at all matters, certainly not you.”
yeah, these are the ken-heavy times.
12/1/91 (age 22)
“all i have to do is begin talking to arthur about kenneth and it all falls into place.”
What a nutjob I was. Still waiting for the “development” I hoped to see reading year by year…
6/11/91 (very nearly 22)
“that song is the most emotional song i’ve heard in a long time, maybe the most personally touching song i’ve ever heard. it’s SO beautiful. listening to it i thought about arthur, but then i though about playing it for margaret & thought maybe she used to feel that way about ken. wow. i didn’t feel any jealousy, just massive empathy.”
AUUUUUGH I have no idea what song I was talking about!!!
Music was really important to me back then.
4/2/91 (age 21 going on 22)
“dynamics – the moment is all that matters. my past was created by my past thoughts; my future is in my own hands being created now. but only the moment matters. relationships only exist in the moment. my past is only an example of what i am capable of.”
by Normal Maclean
I picked this up because I read that it was about Montana. I have a soft spot for Montana ever since I visited Bozeman and Yellowstone. I pictured the grand canyon of Yellowstone throughout all of this.
The story, though – haven’t we heard this one before? Troublesome kid brother?
by Paula Hawkins
If I had a dime for every time someone in this book made a bad decision. “It doesn’t feel right to say these words out loud” but of course she does. “I’m ready to hang up the phone, but” of course she doesn’t. I shouldn’t go buy a drink, but I do, I shouldn’t trespass and spy and lurk, but I do.
There are three women in this story and two men. The men are both awful. The women are all awful decision makers. Actually there are four women, if you count the bit part of Rachel’s flatmate Cathy, who probably makes the worst decisions of them all, since she tolerates the awful Rachel who pukes on her carpet. And there are three men, if you count the bit part of the red-headed man Rachel can’t recall how she knows from her drunken stupors. That guy is the only decent specimen of the male sex.
Oh well. It was supposed to be a mystery/thriller, not a character study. It was fairly exciting. Just, of course, not my kind of book. Obviously another book club pick.
Tytania 