8-20-02 (age 33)
“you like to say people can’t be separated from their behavior. it goes for you too. don’t think that the true you is some idealized form behind the behavior. your behavior is all you are too.”
Thankfully with this book I stopped writing backwards.
by Joe Nocera & Bethany McLean
It needed to do a better job sticking to the topic. I strove and failed to be interested in how private equity took over all the nursing homes. I wanted to hear more about the science of lockdowns and masking, and was it ever possible we could have kept it all from becoming politicized?
Interesting to hear about the lack of science behind boosters. Pfizer and Moderna wanted to keep selling shots – is this why we were encouraged to boost ourselves so frequently? I have lost count of how many shots I’ve had by now. Were ANY boosters really necessary? Something about long-lived T cells being more important than short-lived antibodies.
On that topic, they didn’t explicitly mention “First Shots First” – which some were wisely calling for, while instead we boosted people who were first in line for the first shots. We should have been getting as many shots into arms, as they say, as possible, period. This is me talking now. We did need some order and prioritization, but doses going to waste, that was a crime.
Maybe the worst way we screwed up, in hindsight, was closing the schools for so long. But I worried about the teachers.
3/12/00 (age 30 1/2)
“i did it! now if i take one time [sic, seems it should have been ‘item’] per year i’ve got projects to last the rest of my life. i think i should work top down. this year i could do fitness. 2000 will be different from the preceding years by virtue of fitness. i’ll lighten my meals & exercise everyday. i’ll lose weight & shape up.”
Nooooooooooooooo it’s a trap!!!
I find myself inside of a lengthy “clip show” walk down memory lane for a January 1998 New Year post.
1/19/98 (age 28 1/2)
“1996 – i was starting to feel a distinct & strange change of heart on the subject of living together. xopher & i spent plenty of nights together, probably most. between that & occasionally spending the night on pita’s couch – i think i was still doing at this time – it was rare that i’d wake up alone in my own bed. i did relish those alone times & still miss them sometimes – but overall, i wanted to be spending my time with him (or I wouldn’t have been doing it so often).”
I only vaguely remember sleeping on Pita’s couch.
Ah youth.
Zipping along now – less journal writing means quicker jumps through time.
7/11/94 (about to turn 25)
“i do have these strange anxious feelings about work of unknown origin. they aren’t rational & serve no purpose & may be detrimental. i would like them to go away. but i shouldn’t just supress [sic – hey, cut me some slack, I was writing sdrawkcab] them or try in any active way to stop having them. they need to be acknowledged.”
I’m sorry, this journal was out of order. We’re not out of the Kenwoods yet.
9/7/91 (age 22)
“yes indeedy i feel good. i was worried there for a while. as fas as ken goes (& he goes pretty far) everything’s perfect.”
I think he dumped me (for the first time) before the month was out? Hard to tell, the backwards entries are so hard to read.
12/02/92 (age 23)
“when i get upset like this perhaps i would do well to reexamine my life with regard to its meaning or lack thereof. do you not believe life has no meaning outside itself? what is the meaning of my life? is my life its own meaning? is my life positive?”
At least it’s not ken ken ken ken ken ken like I was fearing.
annotated edition
This was a re-re-read. I re-read it only three years ago. I went to look up my review of 2020 and was floored by tables describing my Covid-related inactivity and case statistics. It does not feel real.
Anyway, my observations this go-round included amazement that Catherine quickly saw through the artifice of Isabella’s letter towards the end of the book, after Captain Tilney had amounted to nothing and Isabella thought she might have a chance at patching things up with Catherine’s brother. She (Catherine) was such a dupe of Isabella through the entire book, in scenes where she (Isabella) was so much more transparent. It seemed odd that she so suddenly wised up.
5/26/92 (age 22 going on 23)
“chris, why are you pulverizing yourself? kenneth is not hurting you & society is not hurting you. you are effectively taking a rock & smashing it over your head. does it matter whose ____ kenneth is ____? does it matter what the new york times is stating about the female sex? frankly chris nothing at all matters, certainly not you.”
yeah, these are the ken-heavy times.
12/1/91 (age 22)
“all i have to do is begin talking to arthur about kenneth and it all falls into place.”
What a nutjob I was. Still waiting for the “development” I hoped to see reading year by year…
Tytania 