Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called ‘life’…. Prince

I have a terminal disease called ‘life’ and only have about 47 more years to live. Let’s make the most of it.

57 books read this year. If I get bored enough today, it might end up at 58.

2019: 57

2020: 59

2021: 61

but who’s counting.

Best non-fiction and best overall:

How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan

Best fiction:

Gotta go with Willful Disregard by Lena Andersson.

Year in review outside of the covers:

• Weaving school! Yay!

• Florestan died. Boo.

• Beautiful biking weekends with my husband. Yay!

• Covid. Boo.

• Met more paternal biorelatives. Yay!

• My birthday weekend in Montreal! Double-yay!

• Made Tech Lead of a new project. Boo. No seriously, boo. I hate being lead.

• The Fair is back after a 3-year hiatus! Our goats looked great! Yay!

• Our biking week in New York State! Super-yay!

• Mother-in-law loses life partner. Experiences depression black hole which threatens to suck me in. Boo.

6. Refuse all help

7. Make no decisions except not to do anything

8. “We aren’t close” is a great reason not to contact someone

9. Give up reading

10. Avoid

1. Have no friends
2. Have no hobbies
3. Believe the worst will always happen
4. Always assume you can’t do something, not that you can
5. Fear

Will look for more life lessons.

Two more sleeps.

Warning, Bad Person ahead. I remember feeling this way with my own parents. Newly grateful that I never had children. Because I can be sure I will never, ever inflict this kind of thing on anyone.

Oh Tytania, you are going to grow old alone. Fuck yeah.

A little greenhouse Xopher has going in the mudroom. Wasn’t planned. Just things here and there he wanted to keep alive.

We survived the infamous, nefarious, notorious Burlington, Vermont, after dark!

On the left is a Carolina Wren. A new one for us this year. Hope he’s not caught unawares by Vermont winter.

I feel such a sense of peace today. Or call it ennui or bummed or lazy or uninspired or unenergetic – or call it peaceful.

It’s a judgment.

New expensive beefy tree stand! We turned our backs and the tree fell down again.

I’m really taking this to heart.

Look at the magnitude of the problem I’m trying to “fix.” Justifiable grieving and a lifelong depression? You cannot fix this. However much of yourself you pour into it will never, ever be enough. There is in fact very, very little that I control in this world beyond the reach of my little fingers. You can only make the best of whatever is within that tiny little reach.

So, what am I willing to do? Decide what I can and am willing to do for this person. Do it, and make peace with it.