July 1 2022

“vanilla creemee w/oreo

started to feel undeniably sick

relapsing for a beautiful july 4 weekend! yay!”

I remember that.

July 1 2017 “great day in montreal & chambly mainly cause x was in a good mood!”

July 1 2018 “ROMA”

July 1 2019 “sold my old bike. made a ‘simple recipe’ that took freaking forever. fish tacos, which disintegrated. it’s 8:30 now & i’m only beginning to unwind.”

July 1 2020 “poured off & on. x cleaned gutters afterward, much needed.”

July 1 2021 “& home again!”

Becomes easy because I adopted a “page a day” journal that spanned 5 years on each page. July 1 we tend to be traveling for the holiday/anniversary weekend.

7-25-2010

“greetings earth people! i am here for my 41st birthday! sing huzzah for the life of me!”

5-12-07 (age nearly 38)

“dear k,

so when was the last time someone wrote you a real letter huh? ha. waiting for a 9-hour train ride to begin gives you a lot of time to think things over. i guess a normal person would call you on her cell phone or text or email you from a laptop or some other gadget. anyway listen, everyone’s a therapist right? everyone’s just full of good advice. well take it or leave it.”

As I recall, I did transcribe my wonderful advice into an email to him when I got home, and he sincerely thanked me for it. However, my next entry states that I “succeeded in making him feel like crap”. I prefer to remember myself as being helpful.

8-20-02 (age 33)

“you like to say people can’t be separated from their behavior. it goes for you too. don’t think that the true you is some idealized form behind the behavior. your behavior is all you are too.”

Thankfully with this book I stopped writing backwards.

3/12/00 (age 30 1/2)

“i did it! now if i take one time [sic, seems it should have been ‘item’] per year i’ve got projects to last the rest of my life. i think i should work top down. this year i could do fitness. 2000 will be different from the preceding years by virtue of fitness. i’ll lighten my meals & exercise everyday. i’ll lose weight & shape up.”

Nooooooooooooooo it’s a trap!!!

I find myself inside of a lengthy “clip show” walk down memory lane for a January 1998 New Year post.

1/19/98 (age 28 1/2)

“1996 – i was starting to feel a distinct & strange change of heart on the subject of living together. xopher & i spent plenty of nights together, probably most. between that & occasionally spending the night on pita’s couch – i think i was still doing at this time – it was rare that i’d wake up alone in my own bed. i did relish those alone times & still miss them sometimes – but overall, i wanted to be spending my time with him (or I wouldn’t have been doing it so often).”

I only vaguely remember sleeping on Pita’s couch.

Ah youth.

Zipping along now – less journal writing means quicker jumps through time.

7/11/94 (about to turn 25)

“i do have these strange anxious feelings about work of unknown origin. they aren’t rational & serve no purpose & may be detrimental. i would like them to go away. but i shouldn’t just supress [sic – hey, cut me some slack, I was writing sdrawkcab] them or try in any active way to stop having them. they need to be acknowledged.”

I’m sorry, this journal was out of order. We’re not out of the Kenwoods yet.

9/7/91 (age 22)

“yes indeedy i feel good. i was worried there for a while. as fas as ken goes (& he goes pretty far) everything’s perfect.”

I think he dumped me (for the first time) before the month was out? Hard to tell, the backwards entries are so hard to read.